dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
