Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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