Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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