All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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