So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
