I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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