its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
