i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
how drunk are you?
Several
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
