Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
