There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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