I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
