dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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