playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
