I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
