he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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