new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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