Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
