Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
