Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
