roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i came on her dog
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I smell like Dick and happiness
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
