They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
