You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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