dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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