im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
