He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
