I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
