i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
