So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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