So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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