Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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