You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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