id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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