just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think people are normalizing furries
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