My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
