Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
