Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Randomize
