I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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