he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
