Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
