Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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