I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
