my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize