highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
