mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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