so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
