I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
