We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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