just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
