I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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