Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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