wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
