why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
