He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
