the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my poor anus
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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