So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
