cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
