We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
