So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
