Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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