Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
