I wannas sexs uuuuu
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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