when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
