Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
