No stitches, just platelets and will power
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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