we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
