Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
