I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
