Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
