420 ftw
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize