I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
