I bet he comes in French.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
