It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
