I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
