We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
